What I Miss About The 90s

Hi, I’m Kristy. I’m the founding member of the baby-sitters club. I don’t mean to brag or anything but we’re famous, here in Stoneybrook. Everybody knows us. That’s because everybody uses us. You call one number, and get connected with seven incredible baby-sitters. This is Stacey, she’s our club treasurer. She’s good at keeping track of money, she’s also good at spending it. Stace was raised in New York City. Sometimes she thinks she still lives there. That’s Mary-Ann. When we were little, we used to live next door to each other. She’s kind of quiet, kind of serious. Why are we friends? They say opposites attract. Dawn’s Mary-Ann’s step-sister. She grew up in California. Dawn really cares about the environment. Her biggest regret is that she wasn’t born on earth day. Claudia’s an amazing artist. She’s REALLY talented. I mean, do you anybody who can take a fourk and a hammer and turn it into… That? And of course Mallory, she’s a junior member of the club. She started her novel when she turned eleven and is determined to finish it by the time she’s eleven and a half. Jesse’s Mallory’s best friend and another junior member of the club. Jesse’s motto is ”Why walks when you can dance?”. You know, we’re more than just a club. We’re friends. Best friends. Nothing could ever change that. 

The Baby-Sitters Club, 1995

Berg: I can’t stand you. 
Ashley: I loathe you. 
Berg: I despise you. 
Ashley: I hate you. 
Berg: I can get us a room. 
Ashley: I can drive.

—-

Berg: [About his use of an asthma inhaler] You know how they say not to exceed the daily recommended dosage? 
Pete: Yeah? 
Berg: Well I’m the guy… who exceeds it so they know why they shouldn’t.

—-

Melissa: What does he tell you about me? 
Berg: Everything. 
Melissa: Like what, everything? 
Berg: Like the first time he saw you, he said he actually felt his heart stop. 
Melissa: Really? 
Berg: And you… do a phenomenal Linda Ronstadt imitation. 
Melissa: Aww… Pete. 
Berg: And he hates sushi… but goes with you all the time because he knows you love it. 
Melissa: Why didn’t he say anything? 
Berg: And you laugh like a mad scientist during sex.

—-

Berg: I don’t like you being mad at me. 
Pete: I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at me. Berg, I’m gonna be 25 and I don’t even know where my life is - and the one good thing I had, I messed up. When my dad was my age, he had a house, he had a wife, he had me. I mean, what do I have? 
Berg: You have the ability to suck the life out of an evening.

—-

Pete: Irene, it’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you handle never winning.

—-

Berg: Just remember that my eye drop experiments paid for that sofa. 
Pete: Berg, what color would you say that sofa is? 
Berg: I dunno… blue?

—-

Pete: Berg, I’m just not cut out to be a good person. 
Berg: I know. That’s why the Lord gave us good looks.

—-

Pete: Berg, you can’t sleep in my bed, people talk enough as it is. Go sleep on the couch. 
Berg: I can’t sleep on the couch. Last week I spilled milk on it and for some reason it smells bad. 
Pete: So go sleep on the floor! 
Berg: I can’t sleep on the floor. 
Pete: Why not? 
Berg: For some reason there’s a trail of ants leading to the couch.

—-

Pete: Ashley, if you’re here, who’s running hell?

—-

Sharon Carter: Can I talk to you guys for a second? 
[storms past them] 
Berg: She knows. 
Pete: She does? 
Berg: Play dumb. 
Pete: We are dumb.

Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place / Two Guys and a Girl, 1998-2001

Kit Keller: You ever hear Dad introduce us to people? “This is our daughter Dottie, and this is our other daughter, Dottie’s sister.” Should’ve just had you and bought a dog!

—-

Jimmy Dugan: Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There’s no crying! THERE’S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL! 
Doris Murphy: Why don’t you give her a break, Jimmy… 
Jimmy Dugan: Oh, you zip it, Doris! Rogers Hornsby was my manager, and he called me a talking pile of pigshit. And that was when my parents drove all the way down from Michigan to see me play the game. And did I cry? 
Evelyn Gardner: No, no, no. 
Jimmy Dugan: Yeah! NO. And do you know why? 
Evelyn Gardner: No… 
Jimmy Dugan: Because there’s no crying in baseball. THERE’S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL! No crying!

—-

Dottie Hinson: It just got too hard. 
Jimmy Dugan: It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard… is what makes it great.

—-

Announcer: Then there’s pretty Dottie Henson, who plays like Gehrig, and looks like Garbo. Uh-uh, fellas, keep your mitts to yourself; she’s married. And there’s her kid sister Kit, who’s as single as they come. Enough concentrated oomph for a whole carload of Hollywood starlets.

—-

Doris Murphy: Evelyn. Your kid ate the line up.

—-

Mae Mordabito: Evelyn. Evelyn. I’m sorry but I have to kill your son. 
[begins to chase Stillwell with a bat] 
Doris Murphy: Mae! Mae! Don’t use my bat! Use Marla’s. It’s heavier.
—-

Ira Lowenstein: Great game, Jimmy. I especially liked that move in the seventh inning when you scratched your balls for an hour. 
Jimmy Dugan: Well, anything worth doing is worth doing right.  

A League of Their Own, 1992